28 Week Appt.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my monthly check-up and Baby Quinn is doing great. Heart rate was 144, which all the heart rate readings have been in the 140's except one which was 154- what is the wives tale about gender? 150's is a girl, 130's is a boy? So my child is telling us nothing? Let me know if anyone can remember how that one goes.
This was the first appointment that I have gone to without Percy, and he was the one really worried about it, asking if I need him there for the glucola (sp?) test. For anyone who doesn't know, this is the test for gestational diabetes and is a standard screening everyone has around 28-30 weeks. It involves drinking this nasty, sickly, sweet, sugar water concoction then trying not to throw it up in the waiting room while people stare at you, then you wait an hour and get blood drawn and they give you the results in less thank 5 min.
My friend Gracie informed me I would have to sit there an hour to wait to have my blood drawn (thanks for the heads up Gracie!), so I took a book to pass the time. Mistake #1 I took a book that I had been told was funny but my mistake was in not comprehending how freakin' hilarious the book was- "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy". My mother in law gave it to me for mother's day (thanks DT!) and told me I wasn't supposed to read it till later on in my pregnancy- I still haven't figured out why- but I can tell you why you shouldn't read it in public. I sit down and start reading and the nurse brings me my oh so refreshing hummingbird solution (i don't know for sure that this is what it tastes like but imagine the most cloyingly sweet syrup ever) and I take a swig and almost gag. Let me also mention here that my dear friend Haaga told me, "You might not like it as much as I did but I loved the taste of it!" Haaga is apparently a very poor judge of flavor- bc this stuff is awful! I decide to go for the 'toss it back asap' approach but literally cannot drink more than a couple of mouthfuls in a row quickly. So then I go back to reading and try and casually drink the nastiness as if it was one of my cherished Diet Cokes- this is kinda working until the book makes me laugh and I almost spew all over the lady across from me. So I finally get close enough to the bottom of the bottle to just open my throat and pour it down (no clue where i learned that trick) and shiver with revulsion as I try and stifle a belch before returning to my book. Well, I got called back soon thereafter so everyone around me was spared the ensuing burps that came once I was alone in the exam room. Then- back to the book. I have some real time to read now and I get a little ways into it and laugh freely since I am alone and not in public and not drinking sugar water with a twist of lime anymore.

Mistake #2 I just shouldn't let myself get going at all because I can really get sucked into a laughing fit and not return for hours (just ask Percy- he banned me from watching America's Funniest Home Videos in bed bc i laugh so hard I wake him up). I got so tickled by this book that before I have time to think about it I am also crying with big fat tears running down my face and no chance of being able to rein myself in. Then my doctor walks in, of course my doctor walks in!- what you need to know about Dr. Pickens is that he is a bigger smart aleck than myself and he has recognized this fact and he enjoys picking at me about things I don't know enough about to be able to get back at him. I should hate this man but for some reason I get a kick out of him- and I just know he is going to get a kick out of me crying from laughter on the exam table, alone. He stopped halfway into the room and said, "Either you replaced the husband with something far more entertaining or your reading one of those chick lit books that has your pregnancy hormones in over drive. Tell me its the first one." I told him I was in fact laughing hard enough to cry, not crying bc of something sweet and he said, "Did you do this in the waiting room? Bc we have enough crazy out there with all the pregnant mamas. I don't need you adding your 2 cents to the mix. And where is your husband? He never lets you act like this." I finally gain enough control to wipe my eyes and breathe deeply and answer his questions but I never really got to explain bc he had moved on with the appointment. BUT- I passed my diabetes test with flying colors and learned a valuable lesson about taking that book in public-- but I highly recommend it for at home reading bc it really is hilarious.